Day Thirteen Goodendum

I’m sitting inside the Gramophone In St. Louis right now, enjoying some great rock music and some, well, disgusting absynth. I mean, I really really want to drink it, but it tastes like black licorice and I hate black licorice. I am eager to find out how it affects me, but I’m such a seasoned drinker, we’ll just have to see. We’re also trying to drive tonight, so we have to be extra careful. Idunno, I don’t feel like being careful. Curtis drank his like a shot, so he’s down for the count already. Rachel may have to drive tonight.

Is it too Ernest Hemmingway of me to write while drinking this disgusting concoction? Mine’s mixed with champagne and I can still barely manage to allow it past my teeth. Indulge me…

As bizarre and tumultuous as this tour has been, I’m really sad that it’s over. I feel a real connection with the boys in The Story Changes. I love traveling. And now I regret that I spent so much time moping and not enjoying the sights and opportunities that this tour has offered. Wait, that’s not really true. I really have enjoyed the tour. Being in some great towns, meeting some great people, I hate to think that what I’ve expressed here might be interpreted as indicative of my general feelings while ON tour. I think I’ve already said that day to day, I’ve shared my more positive feelings. It’s mostly on this blog that I’ve revealed the more potentially sad sides of my perspective. That’s kind of what this blog has been for.

Idunno. The show is over now, so I need to get to work. Let’s just say that I have a choice as to how I want to look at this stuff. For now I’m choosing the positive.

Day Thirteen

^Kansas City^

For the first time on tour, I woke up to an overheated van. It was only 50 degrees outside, but it was the first time there was enough sun to actually make a difference. And within two hours, it’s already raining again. I really hope it’s warm when I get home. I’m looking forward to seeing my puppies. I look forward to hanging out with friends.

We were kinda holding out for a last minute show in Knoxville, and I guess if we were to pursue it, there might be a chance that we could play. But then we heard a few days ago that there was a giant landslide in western NC and that I-40 is closed for a good while. We checked out the details of the detour and they look painful. So we decided to skip Knoxville altogether and make road for home after the show tonight.



This development pleases me greatly! It’s about 12 hours from St. Louis to our beds, and if we knock out a few hours tonight, we can get home tomorrow with enough time for me to hit up trivia with this kickass mustache. It goes away Thursday morning, so I have to enjoy it while I can.

Thursday is crazy busy, another reason why we decided to skip Knoxville. We have to be at the studio at 1 for “sessions at studio B”, then a WKNC interview at 7, then the last show of our tour at Tir Na Nog. I think we’re going to throw down something fierce. I don’t have to be at work until Monday, and I have wedding festivities on Friday and Saturday. Sunday is going to be a fantastic day. Rest and relaxation.

I’m ready for this wedding. I think my general sense of optimism is beginning to pick me up. I would certainly never do anything to bring anyone’s party down, and life’s too short to dwell on my insecurities. There are very few options left. I have a bigass hotel room to myself for two nights. I will be surrounded by friends. Alcohol will flow. My suit is cleaned and pressed. I think I’m going to have to tear some shit up.

St. Louis is all the way across Missouri from Kansas City. I finished my book days ago and didn’t bring anything else to read. My kingdom for some damn Sudoku.

ALL...DAY...LONG

Day Twelve

I have always enjoyed visiting Omaha. Having been on a record label from this town, Omaha has always been a Midwestern oasis, a place where I knew I would see some familiar faces and I would have a good time. This visit has been a little different. Most of my old school Omaha friends have moved away or were out of town. Others just didn’t come out. One friend from NC made it and hooked us up with lodging which we greatly appreciate.

The point of all of this is that in the absence of old friends and familiar faces, I made NEW friends and now have a whole new group of familiar faces that I can look forward to seeing down the road. The show was fun, the venue was nice, but the camaraderie is what helps me wake up feeling good. And if I’m good at anything, it’s camaraderie.

I feel like I have developed a fondness for this band The Story Changes that I haven’t felt in a very long time. I’m not sure how to put it into words, but they brought me out of my tour shell to a great degree. Somewhere along the line I realized that I don’t have a lot more time for this kind of thing. I mean, in a year I will either be done altogether with Serious Rocking and Rolling, or I will be travelling in a tour bus or some shit. So my time of chilling in the van, hanging out after shows, getting to know friends of friends, that’s all very limited. I need to take advantage of the opportunities when I can. Even when I was in Sorry About Dresden I shied away from getting out there and hanging with people. It’s not too late to make up for it!

Today looks like it could seriously be sunny for more than an hour or two. We need to find a self serve car wash so we can get all this Des Moines mud off the van and get it good and cleaned out. We return it in just a few days. Also, today the Lemmy goes away. Today is the day of the handlebar. Nicknaming contest forthcoming…


^Des Moines^

Well, the van is now cleanish. We got the Des Mudnes off, managed to get all of the caulk and adhesive off the side where the window repair douchebags left us a nice mess. We’re still trying to get our headlight replaced, as the ford dealership wouldn’t take us in or let us borrow the special tool you apparently need to do it. Ugh. No worries though. We got to Kansas City and I ate some KC Barbecue. Not bad, but I miss home!

Tomorrow, St. Louis, then we drive home and play Raleigh on Thursday. I can almost feel my bed. It’s so nice! For the time being, WINDFARMS!

Day Eleven

Wow, the weather hates us! I did see a quick bit of sun yesterday in Minneapolis, but it went away quickly and gave way to more overcast skies and chilled drizzle. We made great time to Des Moines and pulled up to Sleepy Hollow. It was absolutely amazing. Four separate haunted attractions, hot pumpkin cider, bunches of kids roaming around, etc. This place had a cast of at least a hundred people, and they spared no expense giving people a wonderful way to spend a Saturday night. The only downside is that it was 45 degrees, rainy, and the show was outdoors.





I don’t know how it is possible that I can sweat as much as I do regardless of whether I’m inside and it’s 75 degrees or if I’m outside and it’s 45. But I sweat. If you know any ladies who love a sweaty mess, direct them to this here blog!



Last night I decided to splurge on a hotel room for myself. I thought I would last longer, but I had consumed more than the recommended daily dose of southern comfort out there in the cold, my back was kinda tweaked from sleeping in the van so much (remember, I’m 36), and I wanted to treat myself. I’m sitting in my room right now listening to 100.3 The Bus. We don’t have radio anywhere near this good at home. Straight-up rock. It’s weird how geography affects this stuff. Out here in the Midwest you hear a lot less southern rock on the rock stations and a whole lot less beach music on the oldies stations. I like southern rock and beach music, but it’s nice to get away from it. I’ve enjoyed the queen, zeppelin, stones, bruce, john cougar, the who that Des Moines has served up for me.

I’m afraid to look out the window, and I will resist the urge until after I take a shower. Another overcast day and I might just freak out! We head to Omaha today for a show at a place called PS Collective. I am expecting a great time. I’m hoping to get there in time to watch some of the Steeler game, but I doubt I will. I also need to do laundry. Urgently. We will see how it goes.

Day Ten

This is what touring is supposed to be like! Great towns, great audiences, friends with floors. Minneapolis is such a fantastic place, and when I woke up this morning, the sun was actually shining. Granted, it was colder than when I had gone to bed, but by the time I got showered and dressed, it was just gorgeous outside. Got some breakfast in me, got a lamp to replace the burned out head light, and we’re on our way to Des Moines.

There’s something about towns I love. I mentioned yesterday that I know of a handful of towns that I just feel right in. Usually, this feeling manifests itself in an excessive display of gregarious behavior mixed with drinking. Last night I drank liquor for the first time on tour, and I did not hold back. I only had three gin and tonics, but they were pretty big and pretty strong and I hadn’t eaten in some time. It felt like home in so many ways! Joe drove the van back to the house.

Tonight we play a fun park. As far as I know we get free rides and free access to one of potentially several haunted houses. The only downsides are that it’s an outdoor show and we can’t swear from stage lest we receive no compensation. Having played a church already on this tour, I have no philosophical problem refraining from swearing. I feel as though I’ve done an OK job keeping this blog somewhat clean. I do however have a severe discipline problem which I learned because I already played a church on this tour. If I mess up, we might not get paid, and I’m not sure if I can handle that pressure. Yet one more creative use for gaffers tape.

It feels like the home stretch of the tour now. Six more days. I found my checkbook and wrote a check to the band in exchange for some cash, so the financial issues are at bay for the time being. I’m seeing old friends in Omaha tomorrow and a relatively new friend in Des Moines tonight, hopefully. All in all, I do feel like the worst is behind us. I know that this is a drastic tempting of the fates, but I am not a superstitious man. Maybe I should be. For the moment, I’m thinking of what life is going to be like when I get home.

I have two good friends who are getting married on Halloween. Actually, I have four good friends who are getting married on Halloween, but I can only go to one wedding. I went to a wedding back in August, and I had a really weird time. It was in many ways one of the coolest weddings I’ve ever attended, but I also found myself scoffing at times. It was a clear indicator that I am not in a very good place emotionally. I’m scared of how the wedding a week from today will affect me. There is a definite shame spiral that I seek to avoid.

It goes like this: I am a happy dude most of the time. I like to smile. I try to be a source of joy and comfort for others, and I never hold back my positive feelings about them. So I feel like it isn’t fitting of me to feel jealous or skeptical of love in general or two people’s feelings for each other specifically. Even though I know that healing is a long term process and that I’m pretty far along as things go, I get upset at myself for allowing those feelings to creep up, even in minute doses, and they have certainly crept up on occasion over the past year. I get mad at those who betrayed me for their role in my BEING in this situation. And then I get mad that I’m still getting mad. And then I get depressed because more than a year after the whole thing went down, I’m still going through this process. And then I get scared.

I have been separated from either the part of me that is capable of feeling that level of affection from another person or the part of me that is capable of recognizing those feelings when they occur. In a lot of ways, it’s like the car keys I lost back in Grand Rapids. Most of the time when I lose something like keys, glasses, my wallet, or whatever, I don’t ever see them again. Finding my keys in Chicago was a rare blessing but also an anomaly. I’ve lost some part of me, and it’s not something I can even look for, not just because it’s intangible, but because even if it were tangible, I wouldn’t know what it looked like.

Or maybe it’s like my ATM card. I know it’s somewhere but I don’t have it. I know I will get it back but I don’t know when, and I’m going to have to endure some hardship before I get it back. Regardless of which analogy fits best, it’s time spent waiting and suffering, and I’m by no means unique in experiencing this.

Perhaps the thing that binds me most tightly to my circle of friends is that to some degree we are all trapped in the same place. No matter how the circumstances differ, the frustration is similar. And it is my friends, my incredible, glorious friends who keep me as centered as circumstances will allow. From band mates to my people at home to my family, my peeps are my strength. It’s the reason I don’t live in that spiral of negativity full-time.



Have I mentioned on this trip that I feel a spiritual connection with wind farms? I feel a spiritual connection with wind farms. I took some pictures of windmills, but they didn’t turn out.

Day Nine

DAMMIT.

DAMMIT.

DAMMIT.

I found out last night that my ATM card never got sent ahead on the tour, so now I’m without a means of getting my own cash for the duration of the tour. I will figure it out, but Idunno, I was really hoping to get the card back. Also, my cell phone battery was dying so I turned it off. Then it wouldn’t turn back on again. So for several hours I was convinced that I would have to stop by a Verizon store five months short of my renewal period and just pay for a damn phone. Luckily, it eventually came back on again, but it’s still messed up. It’s on old phone, but come on...

THROW ME A BONE HERE.

Driving north from Ames, IA to Minneapolis, it has dawned on me that I will not see the sun again on this tour. In fact, we are experiencing our first snow of the trip. Cars are careening all over the place. John would rather I take the wheel, and so I will. John is a freaking CHAMP of a driver, the only band mate I’ve ever toured with whose driving habits never make me uptight. Snow is not his bag though, so I’m gonna take over because well, I love it. It’s really coming down now, huge flakes, which means it probably won’t last long. One might think that the emergence of this snowstorm would further depress me, but as those closest to me know, this is my element. I do wish I had brought a heavier coat though…

I was right, and the snow didn’t last long. We made it to The Beat Café in good time, and it is here that I now sit, enjoying the best mocha I’ve had in a long while. I love Minneapolis. I’ve only been here maybe four or five times, and always on band business, but nonetheless, when I look out the window of the van or stand on a street corner, I just love where I am. There are maybe four cities that I can name off the top of my head that affect me this way. Pittsburgh, Portland, Minneapolis, and of course Durham.



Have I mentioned yet that one of the headlights in our van is burned out? One of the headlights in our van is burned out. We don’t even care. That’s like, hell, someone farting in the van. It’s like fate isn’t even trying anymore. Famous last words?

Here's Flipside in Ottumwa: